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Englisch Text - Mähikel - 14.03.2012
Mein toller englisch lehrer hat mir den Sarkasmus verboten. Darum würd ich jetzt gerne von euch wissen ob der Text "zu" krass war bzw ob noch fehler drinnen sind. Ich kann sehr schlecht englisch. Der Text ist schon verbessert aber das Ab dem "Ohne Sarkasmus" ist neu. Das möchte ich gerne richtig abgeben, schaut ja sonst blöde aus.
Wir haben den Lehrer erst seit dem Halbsemester, also ein paar Wochen. Die Aufgabe war ein Text zu verfassen über die Semesterferien die wir eine Woche lang hatten + etwas aufregendes was wir gemacht haben. Und das hab ich auch gemacht. Nur da mir nicht viel einfiel hab ich mir eben einen kleinen Spaß erlaubt, der nach hinten los ging.
My “Amazing” Holidays 05/03/12
“My holidays are easy to discribe with one word: boring. I spent my whole time at home, only in the afternoon I was skiing or something like that.
My daily routine was: Sleeping in bed until eleven or twelve o'clock. Luckily, I was never killed by wild lions or kidnapped by alien and I was able to eat my breakfast. Or in other words, dinner. In the afternoon I was pushed to go out and to do something. (In my opinion, just lying in bed is enough to do during the holidays.) In the evening I relaxed at the PC and played some games with my friends. Currently I play a game called Minecraft. Not many people know this game in Austria but it's simply great. You can build and destroy blocks and, for example, build your own house. Other huge projects can be found on Youtube where people building were building a project for days or weeks. It's a never-ending creativity game. It would need more than 200 words to explain why 5,171,262 people play this great indie game but it hasn't really much to do with my week. (Beside the fact that I played it every day.) Also, it is now nearly obvious that I am just trying to make my text longer, so I switch back to interesting things: Food. My father and I baked a lemon cake. But very sadly(yes!), I only got one piece from it. It's very tragically and the important point of my supercalifragilisticexpialidocious week. It made me sad.
Correction without sarcasm:
“My holidays are easy to discribe with one word: boring. I spent my whole time at home, only in the afternoon I was skiing or something like that.” In my opinion this was very short. This is the reason I wrote “my style”, so that the story itself is the “amazing” part of the story. The titel was, by the way, sarcasm too. No other teacher ever had had any problems with that, you're the first one. So please don't say this was “nonsense”. (Besides that was no constructive criticsm.) Exceptionally when you say we can use our creativity. It was not my intention to make “fun of the task” in a bad way, it was just fun to write for me and I put my effort in it. It's a little bit hard to hear that “I was in hurry to finish my text”. And the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is an English word that exists, you can google it if you want.
Seine Kritik:
Dear *****,
Your homework was to write about an exciting event in your holidays. Why does your headline say "My amazing holidays" when in fact you were just bored? (Wenn er Sarkasmus nicht versteht, pech für ihn) I understand that you were in a hurry to finish your text. (War ich nicht ich hab mir Mühe gegeben -.-") Please avoid sarcasm (niemals!).
If you hand in such nonsense again you'll have to do it again!
Dann wär ich zum Direktor gegeangen, hätt ich das tun müssen. Der is wenigstens lustig und toll drauf, der neue blöde Lehrer nicht. (Er denkt der Klimawandel sein ein Schwindel, die paar Grad machen doch nix :3)
Edit der Version. Fehler die noch gefunden werden müsst ihr jetzt nicht mehr unbedingt erwähnen, ich lass ihn so.
RE: Englisch Text - Doflamingo - 14.03.2012
Ganz ehrlich, ich finde den Sakasmus gut und vom Text an sich nicht fehlerhaft. Ich meine, wenn man in den Ferien nicht viel gemacht hat bzw. nichts wirklich spannendes, dann finde ich eben diesen Text doch sehr kreativ. Ich hatte mal so einen ähnlichen Text verfasst und meine Englisch Lehrerin fand diesen doch sehr kreativ gewählt und war begeistert von, wie ich aus dem 'Nichts tun' so viel rausholen konnte.
>> And the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is an englisch word that exists, you can google it if you want.
I like this sentece a lot. :>
RE: Englisch Text - Liod - 14.03.2012
"My holidays are easy to discribe (das andere war jetzt nicht direkt falsch, hört sich aber so besser an nach meiner Meinung ^^') with one word: boring. I spent my whole time at home, only in the afternoon I was skiing or something like that.” In my opinion this was very short. This is the reason (why) I wrote “my style”, so that the story is the “amazing” part of the story (hier zwei mal story hört sich nicht so gut an). The title was, by the way, sarcasm too. No other teacher ever had had (any) problems with that, you're the first one. So don't say this was “nonsense”. (Besides this is no constructive critique.) Exceptionally when you say we can use our creativity. It was not my intention to make “fun of the task” in a bad way, it was just fun to write for me and I put my effort in it. It's a little bit hard to hear that “I was in hurry to finish my text”. And the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is an Englis(c)h word that exists, you can google it if you want.
Hab oben mal meinen Rotstift ausgepackt und ein wenig korrigiert. Der Großteil müsste jetzt richtig sein. (Sorry, wenns zu viel ist xD')
Ansonsten versteh ich nicht, was dein Lehrer für Probleme hat. Von ein paar Fehlern abgesehen, fand ich den unterhaltsam und flüssig zu lesen und überhaupt nicht "zu krass". o.o (Sarkasmus gefällt mir :3)
RE: Englisch Text - Mähikel - 14.03.2012
Baah, meine Schlampigkeit schon wieder x_x Danke jedenfalls fürs "korrigieren". ^^
(Für Meinungen, auch welche die ihm zu gunsten kommen, bin ich aber noch gern offen)
Oh und weil ichs grad sehe das (yes!) In klammer ist im nachhinein hinzugefügt weil er mir n dickes fettes no! hingeschrieben hat :3
RE: Englisch Text - phistoh - 14.03.2012
Ich glaube, ich würde bei dem Lehrer einfach demonstrativ keine Hausaufgaben machen und mich beim Direktor beschweren, dass er mein kreatives Potential bei eindeutig kreativen Aufgaben nicht anerkennen will.
Wenn er nur feste Antworten will, dann soll er auch Aufgaben der ersten oder zweiten Bloomschen Taxonomiestufe stellen.
RE: Englisch Text - Cynthira - 14.03.2012
mein tipp für weitere texte: erfinde was xD wenn er ein aufregendes erlebnis haben will, dann schildere ihm eins. niemand kann beweisen, dass es nicht so war (solange sich das geschilderte in einem normalen rahmen bewegt versteht sich ^.~)
(14.03.2012, 17:10)Liod schrieb: "My holidays are easy to discribe (das andere war jetzt nicht direkt falsch, hört sich aber so besser an nach meiner Meinung ^^') with one word: boring. I spent my whole time at home, only in the afternoon I was skiing or something like that.” In my opinion this was very short. This is the reason (why) I wrote “my style”, so that the story is the “amazing” part of the story (hier zwei mal story hört sich nicht so gut an). The title was, by the way, sarcasm too. No other teacher ever had had (any) problems with that, you're the first one. So don't say this was “nonsense”. (Besides this is no constructive critique.) Exceptionally when you say we can use our creativity. It was not my intention to make “fun of the task” in a bad way, it was just fun to write for me and I put my effort in it. It's a little bit hard to hear that “I was in hurry to finish my text”. And the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is an Englis(c)h word that exists, you can google it if you want.wenn liod erlaubt... xD
"My holidays are easy to describe (das andere war jetzt nicht direkt falsch, hört sich aber so besser an nach meiner Meinung ^^') with one word: boring. I spent my whole time at home, only in the afternoon I was [note: "went" macht sich besser] skiing or something like that.” In my opinion this [auf was bezieht sich "this"?] was very short. This is the reason (why) [note: "this is why" oder "this is the reason" aber nicht "this is the reason why"] I wrote “my style”, so that the story is the “amazing” part of the story (hier zwei mal story hört sich nicht so gut an). The title was, by the way, sarcasm too. No other teacher ever had had (any) problems with that, you're the first one. So don't say this was “nonsense”. [note: würde ich höflicher schreiben xD "so please do not declare it as nonsense, as you might know, nonsense is a quite unpolite word for a texts description or comment] (Besides this is no constructive critique.) Exceptionally [note: hast du vieleicht "especially" gemeint?] when you say we can use our creativity. It was not my intention [note: vllt. auch "I was not intending" aber nur optional] to make “fun of the task” in a bad way [note: scheint überflüssig. würde, wenn die formulierung "in an uneasy way" bevorzugen, aber geschmackssache^^], it was just fun to write [optional note: "I found it quite amusing and put..."] for me and I put my effort in it [note: "and I put much effort into it"]. It's a little bit hard to hear that “I was in hurry to finish my text”. [optional note: "I find it very frustrating to hear that the story, which i put all my english knowledge and much time into, seems to you to be written in a hurry just because i was beeing sarcastic"] And the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is an Englis©h [note: "english" wird klein geschrieben, denn es ist hier ein adjektiv und kein, wie sagt man? ach, egal, es bezieht sich nicht auf die nationalität der worte sondern auf deren sprache xD] word that exists, you can google it if you want. [optional note: if you do not believe me, feel free to google it]
tut mir leid, konnte mich nciht zurückhalten, den text zu korrigieren xD übernimm nur, was du möchtest :>
RE: Englisch Text - Teddyursaring - 14.03.2012
My “Amazing” Holidays 05/03/12
“My holidays are easy to describe with one word: boring. I spent the whole time at home, only in the afternoon I went skiing or something like that.
My daily routine: Sleeping until eleven or even twelve o'clock. Luckily, I was never killed by wild lions nor kidnapped by aliens and I was able to eat my breakfast every day. Or in my case: dinner.
In the afternoon I was forced to spend some time outside, doing at least something. (In my opinion, lying in bed doing nothing is exactly enough spending the holidays.) In the evening I relaxed in front of my PC or I played some games with some friends. Currently I am playing a game called Minecraft. Not many people know this game in Austria but it's just great. You can build and destroy blocks and, for example, build your own house with them. You can find several videos on youtube where peolpe worked on one single block-based building for more one or even two weeks. It's a seemingly never-ending game of creativity. It surely would take more than 200 words to explain why 5,171,262 people play this great indie-game but actually it doesn't have to do much with my week of holidays. (Beside the little fact that I played it every day.)
Also, it is now nearly obvious that I am just trying to extend my text, so I switch back to more interesting things: Food. My father and I baked a lemon cake. But very sadly (yes!), I only got one piece of it. It's the most tragical and the most important point of my supercalifragilisticexpialidocious week. It made me sad. Really sad!
Correction without sarcasm:
My holidays are easy to discribe with one word: boring. I spent the whole time at home. Only in the afternoon I went skiing or something like that. And that's it!
In my opinion this text is very short. This is the reason why I wrote it in “my style”, so that the story itself is the “amazing” part of the story. The title is, by the way, sarcasm too. No other teacher ever has had any problem with that, you are the first I encounter. So please don't say my text is “nonsense”. (Besides that was no constructive criticsm.)
Especially since you said we may be creative. It was not my intention to make “fun of the task” in a any way. For me it was just fun to write it and I put a lot of effort in it. Calling my story "written in a hurry" is not fair and hurts my feelings. Just because I am being honest, telling you that actually nothing happened and putting it into a text that still is interesting to read, was hard work. And the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is a real english word that has found his way into colloquial language. Google it, if you want.
RE: Englisch Text - Mähikel - 14.03.2012
Eh ja danke an alle aber ihr könnt jetzt aufhören ^^" Hab schon alles zu und eingepackt (wie im Startpost vermerkt) und ich kann doch ned 3 verschiedene Versionen abgeben ^^"""" Aber danke für die Mühe!
RE: Englisch Text - Teddyursaring - 14.03.2012
Was ich nur noch sagen will ^^
Dein Lehrer schrieb ja: Your homework was to write about an exciting event in your holidays.
Du könntest sagen, dass du ja über ein aufregendes Erlebnis geschrieben hast.... den Kuchen!
Was du "around" das "about" schreibst stand weder nachgefragt noch als verboten zu erwähnen.
Im Sinne von:
From my point of view I presented a very exciting event in my holidays. The Cake!
All that happened around the exciting event is the special glazing. I call this special glaze sarcasm and irony. My best friends!